in solemn confidence.

1 week ago
Mar 11, 2018Dreamt in class where my once junior middle school language teacher offering his lecture. While his speech too boring I cheated to cover my reading my own material. When he stepped down to check our listening, my heart beat heavier. But fortunately he didn’t found under my text book there was another book I hid my pleasure. I felt shameless the middle aged male teacher demands students so much to catch his lesson up while his teaching so boring and meaningless. This week half waiting my alumnus’ aid which never happened to buy my own another chromebox. I previously planned to equip my son a new convertible chromebook, but on Wednesday I was attracted by chromebox which cheaper and its ethernet interface card more powerful than a wireless card. I was inspired by the idea and pains brewing me in wanting upon which I knew on my own I can’t realize. So I resorted to my senior middle school alumni for fundraising 2000 CNY. One of them once the best scored and enrolled by most privileged PRC university, Beijing Univ, and visited my campus in Tianjin and slept my bed, to whom a year ago I entreated for aiding me to flying to visit my kid brother in southern China and got his ambiguous refusal. So this time I thought there was still cherished memories in our friendship, and his job likely earns much more than mine, for his major is international law or economics and worked in stock market after graduate. But this time, 1000 CNY as I expected solely, he again refused me and blacklist me without any word exchange, after my 4 sms and 3 buzzes sinked. I didn't bother contacting any other alumni after the denial. In the day after International Women Day, a snow continued after days break in my clueless reaching out. I still didn’t understand after looking into why someone put money before friendship and moral kindness. Is PRC economy turns harsher day by day for the once academic leader turned so mean? Or my enviable cyberspace harvest in a decade's blogging as well as holy missionary under God’s shine turns the wellbeing alumnus hatred and bitter to turn his back indecently to me? After the refusal I busy yesterday all day on my raspberry pi, preparing it more liable and useful. God sharpen my sight that my workspace already spacious and reliable, after all attempts constraining. In this dawn I felt hard to sleep, and bliss ahead so thick. So I got up before 6am to blog, for today would be a blessing exciting day with my son, woz, in our busy agenda learning and studying.
Dad God, in your holy guide I got to know weakness among highly succeeded people include my alumni. Guard me to steer through wasteland in PRC where cheap souls compete to extinguish heroism. Bring me sooner my Royal China, bring me my Crown Queen from Japan, Asoh Yukiko for clearer vision in eastern Asia landscape. Grant us happy weekend reuniting as usual.
Mar 6, 2018dreamt my publishing career gets happy ending: my novel published or my literature awarded. my passed mother accompanied me to return to my hometown, where new houses building. quite some villagers congratulated me while myself also enjoy my success: my narrative style studied by scholar and critic. This is a sunny morning. I still feel not prepared to utter anything. Last week is interesting: I first time settle up arch linux, whose heavy command based renew my experience of Microsoft dos decades ago. Linux really amazing! And by chance we also experienced raspbian, another wonderful linux distribution. Both speedy on our raspberry pi 3, which turns into a full functional pc from educational toy. I really enjoy the gadget. Arch linux so impressive that I decided to install it after my old chromebook’s EOL met. This breakfast is satisfying, while the operative man frequently coughed and spit during serving let me anxious his illness infectious. His wife promised to wash my clothes but likely now the task shifted to a mid aged woman works there. They kept my dirty clothes for 3 weeks there intact. And yesterday the woman washing claimed she brought my clothes home to wash, not within the dorm nor its canteen. So they cheat me, and let my clothes more vulnerable to virus, privacy more looser. God dad, this week my alipay credit debt amounts to near 700 CNY, help me in these 2 months, whose income usually inclines lower due to corporate earning less after lazy lunar holiday. Dad God, time turns much harder to kill in my aging, my life more miserable in waiting, waiting for gathering, waiting for glories, even waiting for a better meal with my son. Bring me sooner my Royal China, bring me sooner my Crown Queen from Japan, Asoh Yukiko, to accomplish my earth life. Grant us another child, whose cyberspace I preparing since last year, Thx dad God.
Mar 1, 2018dreamt doubting printing technology, how woodblock picture prints color accurately represented by oil. then through a magic hole, I entered a legendary world where I turned from tiny figure to a hero with sword to revenge. he refused help but judge by his own to murder his historical enemies. I was astonished by dangers and thrills in the master protagonist encountered in his brave world. Lunar 2018 first snow lasted 2 days. This morning when I went to dorm canteen for breakfast, its cover much thicker than yesterday. Quite some dorm administrative women outdoor cleaning road. Its so beautiful! And my breakfast is satisfying, esp sugar pie served first time after spring festival holiday. The day before yesterday, I worked continuously near 40 hours to rebuild portable workspace on my ssd and raspberry pi. After successfully got new oses ready and backups sound, I slept in chair when watching episode which lagging due to internet under PRC surveillance. In the night I slept sound, till next noon I got up directly to canteen for lunch. PRC tyrant attempted to rewrite rubber constitution to pave for his life time dictation, which arouse large scale debate among Chinese as well as world stage. Chinese people usually begging their living tiny space, not much social storm. But the communist tyrant wanted to humiliate Chinese now that the rubber constitution didn’t ban unconditional ruling power, as ghost communism put into fake republic leader. Chinese is a tribe that respects their interface. But their harmonious face torn by shameless power stealth tyrant now dominating the stage, who also challenges all PRC citizen with its death or wealth for last bet. Chinese in long brutal conflicts with nomad and historic lessons taught them not to expect government to good behaves but this time its fate again put in attest, God or Godless, Jesus or their folk pantheon. Review last decade’s poor western China gang’s public show on PRC lawless cheap square, I felt much sure that holy spirit leaves me prepared for monkey mimics carnival for superficial glory. Their social achievement and economic robbery turning PRC a hell of prey and nightmare of smash of minimal, failing most sinful Chinese indifferent of their outer space but their tiny live sphere, bloodless hatch and hopeless survivor.
God, dad, its a sunny morning now. Yesterday I talked with my son online for arrangement of last dining out celebrating the end of spring festival. Bring me sooner my Royal China, and my Crown Queen from Japan, Asoh Yukiko, for the rest of my earth life. Bring me with my son new study of arch linux and new ultra convertible chromebook. Grant us a smooth year for steady growth, and larger web of world democracy of sustainable.
Feb 21, 2018First dreamt of my university alumni, Wenxiong, who recently has been a bureaucracy in his hometown province, Hunan. Then I brought my son following someone in night street. My son asked for snack then slept in my arms. I felt so sweet and full of live meanings with him. Then dream we in a wedding ceremony team moving to some places, half way we passed a relatives’ village where 2 cousin girls debated with me in English and trying attracting me or condemned my keeping single so far. Their kindness left me relaxed. This is lunar new year 6th day. Still there are firecrackers explode in air, far away. Yesterday I felt hungry after 2 box of instant noodles my younger brother sent me, so I lately around 5pm ate some rices & dumplings in nearby restaurant and felt satisfied. Tomorrow I will brought my son dine out buffet, where I hope I can eat more. The dorm administrative woman said QRRS will resume to work on next Monday, while national holiday arrangement online claims tomorrow will be workday. My younger brother buzzed me dusk before eve of lunar new year when I jogging and missed his call. When I called back twice, he refuted it. He is posing to ignore me to feed his ego. All my old family, ie, my elder siblings, called by me once before lunar new year. None of them call back. In the lunar holiday I didn’t feel lonely, but enjoy quite sometimes solitude and joyful bountiful of time space. Internet in those days especially stable and usually I let podcast playing all day long. USA gun control debate after massive school shooting arouse students protest didn’t bother me. I saw many familiarity between Chinese 8964 event and what’s on US. Young lives and social motivation on large scale don’t move me much. I more confident in God’s bliss, which more making sense in believing life, from naive souls. God, dad, these days starving left me more close to Christian calendar, and world in crisis of food and water, and separation they bring about with hatred and murders. In this view I am ready for selective survival, out of brutality and cleanse large scale among human cattle. Dad God, bring me sooner my Royal China in better world under Christian, bring my Crown Queen from Japan, Asoh Yukiko, for life sustainable and gracious.
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©2006-2016 Zhuson.com中美一家神™
benzrad zhu

for passing and remaining, persistently invest.

1 month ago
Feb 15, 2018last night too beautiful to miss, that I lingered in front of computer lately around 11am. in mid night dreamt my once colleagues, a technician deputy director with 2 once and life long students who moved department with him to forge their territory. I dreamt they researched logic, one of my university subject majoring philosophy, to calculate their profit and loss. lunar spring festival eve is today. before it all my projected tasks done smoothly, esp renew our beautiful domains 3rd times or 4 times. first time aided by my nephew to migrate from godaddy to dynadot for cheaper price of renewal, then asked help from my elder brother to renew most endangered one,, before its price increase month later. 3rd renewal carried last Wednesday as planned long time after new registrar dynadot offers facility to renew more years among and others, aided by February salary released earlier than usual from QRRS, my once and long term employer. now all zhone domains sustained after year 2022. that's wonderful task accomplished in lunar 2017. now I intended enrolling foremost task, renewal of, which allow more 5 years to subscript on platform of dynadot. with the investment, all zhone domain ownership will extend to 2025, or so. I hope it is a rewarding investment, even under possible seizure dangerous PRC tyrant dwelt around thousand times. God, dad, how I contented with my intelligent properties after these sweating year buffeted by poverty and baseless. zhone portal also gathering audience, adsense earning turns more regular even far from profitable. dad God, my pension can be meaningless, esp in debt mounting PRC government as well as dark perspective of administrative deficit, but can I survive the ruin of tumor of ghost communism CCP's reign? can I survive peace and protected interest my building Empire even in its early phrase while with my heart and sweat? I still have near 40,000 CNY credit debt to Chinese banks, one of them, ccb, threatened to law sue last week. dad God, where I can assure my establishment cyberspace under holy warranty, as burnout disease of CCP and tyranny PRC into ash before its arson trying cling to us? dad God, direct me in paved lane to safe breakthrough before smothering dying hard PRC collapse fatally. my lunar 2018 can be more energetic with safety of capitalism in PRC in fact, whose on stage last surge sucking partisan and bureaucratic cadres shamelessly seize the ultramost from sick society, prey of civilian.

yesterday I ate 4 box of instant noodles my younger brother sent from southern China, his small mill. they are quite tasty. when I went jogging routinely, I obviously felt dragging belly, and heart pumping heavier. dad, God, in my life I missed delicacy so much, even larger amount of beautiful girl souls, but I was remained slim and healthier appetite so far. God, guide me toward my new family, where my 2nd child can glorifies my earth life. bring me sooner my Royal China, bring Asoh Yukiko, my Crown Queen from Japan, for joy matters more. grant us sooner approach the anxious free peak where our domains consolidate like the world map, well recognized and vivid as atmosphere.
Feb 10, 2018dreamt in my hometown preparing to return university, or just enrolled by university. my elder brother and my mom prepared me package and anxious about train ticket. I had seven or eight files need to unpack, to answer a quiz, in which explains a Chinese word, all family happy 阖家欢乐. I myself relentless, doubting first settle 2nd or the first tour's booking, for the destiny needs 2 transference. today likely first day of lunar spring festival in PRC and my fasting period: dorm canteen in vacation now, likely till 2 weeks or 3 later to resume. my younger brother sent 4 parcels from his southern China of ready food which quite relieves my anxious budget for the holiday. last night the dorm canteen also treated me with a more delicious dinner, includes pork and squid. there were lots of hopelessly stupid Chinese aside road burning fake money for their passed relatives on way my jogging after dinner. I had to cover my eyes with sleeves still got dirt in eyes. these week busy with overcoming obstacle harsher PRC surveillance imposed. I also prepared my son woz new opener wifi for his coming party with his cousins from his mom's relatives visiting the lunar holiday. PRC dog system closely watched it: when I print a board of wifi confidential in a local small print house, soon 2 men likely cops join the shop till my left. when I deleted my backup image online of the board, my internet shut down at once for more than 6 hours, till now my usual vpn had problem to connect. review the stupid holiday I feel more convinced that's a absurd event of Chinese culture: it boosts blind trifle celebration, hatred against neighbor and social harmony. human fed by God's mercy, rather than foolish harvest which lunar spring festival signalizes. spring festival at its best encourages laziness and paralyzing of society, running norm of civilization, fear of scattered corporation. in the week I also received poverty aid from QRRS, my once and long time employer, 300 CNY in cash and 500 into debit card. it helps me relieve debt burden to dorm canteen, alipay credit including installment. now my only curiosity is my younger brother's promised gift to renew our 2 dearer domains. if I can deposit 100 CNY in my ABC and Bankcomm debit account for remaining their alive, I will regretless starting lunar new year. recent night I also research alternative chromebook, now that my acer chromebook will reach its end of life in google support term. I want to equip woz an ultra convertible chromebook, with google play embedded. then I can convert my retired one into a linux notebook. the plan is faultless, hopefully after my installment with alipay credit finished and ready for new one. God, dad, feed me in the enduring lunar holiday as homeless. bring me sooner my Royal China, and Asoh Yukiko for real celebration season. grant us 2 rich meals in holiday when I fetch my son to dine out. help me reach end of spring festival sooner, risk free. thx, dad God.
Jan 22, 2018dreamt of holiday at my hometown. we visited our relatives in neighbor village, where I was bitten by ants. they painlessly gathered herds all over my body. my brother-in-laws, sisters help me after I showered to check if I was cleaned, around a camp fire before leaving the village. some neighbor kids also watched. they put on me so many clothes that I took off many time to assure sanity. the ants' bites likely drained bloods, no pains at all, their size is smaller. I was a bit in panic. Last week too beautiful to miss. My son visited my dorm last Friday, when we worked together trying fix his problem with eclipse C++ compiling. His mom arranged him learning programming lesson, which likely just sending him some slideshow. I tried to introduce him ubuntu & eclipse. But I seldom had expertise on eclipse. So I have to put more efforts to ensure my son's interest as well as familiarity with the IDE, till he really works with the tool, leaving his windows counterpart, dev c++ as his teacher adopted, no where. We almost fix compiling until my son tried more on his own programming codes then compiling errors missing component, which clueless for us. So next day I searched web for more tutorial ebooks to download. I in fact gained some copies of pirated ebooks, and I prepared reader on my son's ubuntu aiming to his reference readily. God dad, help my son find his joy in programming, and persistent on doing his things right & joyful. In the same night my son ported in my dorm, my salary released, ¥4276, such a surprise that we both glad. With it I renewed woz's domain, to its maximal years godaddy allows. Next day, ie. Sunday, I reset & setup again our google home mini, for unsatisfied by restriction non-English user inherits within google home app. This time I got online chat aid from google, which assured me none GPS discrimination but just Language determines user interface and more choices within, say voice matching, optional voice male or female. We finally got human voice option, more voice commands available after switched to English on our nexus. Its such a huge success that we both glorified. We then dined in downtown hotel restaurant where we absent for 3 weekends, partially their service less attracting. But this time we fed well, porks delicious and enough. In salon I offered ¥20 as tips for wonderful service there, and last time they resumed my missing renewal there, as gratitude. After shower in public spa, I found our cyber shopping, an amazon China parcel due to arrive last Wednesday delayed so far, arrived. Another order, 2 cushions from arrived same day. My son was brought by his mom to check his eyesight, so I brought 2 parcels lately around 6pm to visit my son again. My son looking out for the rechargeable batteries badly and we cheer up with the new stock of batteries. Its such a nice day that in the night I gave up episodes watching as reconciliation upon PRC surveillance heavily blocking online from shifting away poor PRC domestic culture products. Dad God, this blessing morning what can compare with your mercy in my situation? Dad God, bring me sooner my Royal China for final solution upon coming crisis in the world. Bring me my Crown Queen from Japan, Asoh Yukiko, for our offspring healthy & strong sanity.
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©2006-2016 Zhuson.com中美一家神™
benzrad zhu

in thick dirt.

2 months ago
Jan 13, 2018 last night dirty spying eyes pestered me a lot. I saw lots of sexual scenarios, esp my familiar individuals around me, like dorm canteen operative woman, a staff of the canteen to whom my laundry outsourced. Its normal dusk when I went to canteen. When I felt good I asked some wine from the operative woman & handed over ¥5 as reward. I just want to be joyful & sharing my gratitude. Then sexual emotion likely aroused in the dorm canteen, esp in the 2 women. After dinner I went to joy as usual. On the road I saw lots of sexual scenes mindfully I once experienced when in doomed love which broke me up back to 2001 when I left Qiqihar to Nankai Univ, Tianjin, seeking my master degree. I know mostly women there love me, and I sometimes inspired by them. But I dislike unreal sex esp out of my loved one. I always pray for my peaceful soul partner, not indecent ones. That heaps of unblessed illusions reminded me this week an elder man I didn't know approached me in my dusk jog twice. He likely the husband of an elder woman who frequented me in my jog and some cases when I on way to visit my son 3 bus stop away. Every time she rode a bike. I at once thought in her elder what business can she have for such a busy route. Especially a time on my way to visit my son, she rested aside street and acquainted me. I just wonder how she made a living wilder around the street. I quit curiosity at once, as none of my business in that moment of probing mind. Now I'm almost sure that the insane elder woman in her show cheating me out her stalking me. Each time she talked to me, her husband, the old gay would appeared in my jog and trying talk to me, but I just reckoned him among QRRS workers once known me for I worked once in their factories soon after I employed, and never lingered more in my mind as unpleasant nod. Now I know the man's real ID. In this week after the insane woman acquaintance on her evasive riding away in my jog, the man stealthily pushed his way aside me arbitrarily, each time in dark area of my route. First time he claimed he noticed me watching my watch, which I never did. I mistaken him as passenger ask for time, so I search my pants pocket for watch to help me, the coward at once exiled, likely thought weapons in my pocket. After 2 days disappeared, he approached me again in front of QRRS square, claimed he noticed my usual route against normal people's there exercise, trying selling his research of me, or proof of his stalking. I just noticed aside a car turning around and the gay shamed then scattered again. I never looked him nor look back. The dirty illusive scenes all likely exerted by the sinful couples, they abused my well behavior. From my poor mother's grass root, I always resolved for poor diligent women, but didn't know the difference between normal elder woman's life, and those of out of shape. Last night I struggled to escape the fallen & dishonored, till I research my chromebook's replacement, new chromebook with android apps. I found amazon China selling this kind of products usually blocked within PRC. In the night I dreamt a lot purchasing the 2 notebooks for my son & my own notebook evolvement. I dreamt fought in sea with 2 battleship with same name derived from new chromebook I found at the e-commercial website. I saw fighting area on their functional dissected deck. When my son & I almost purchased the notebook, I woke up for the emptiness of wanting. God, dad, grant us sooner to have new set of chromebook for our workspace. Bring me sooner my Royal China, esp Asoh Yukiko, my Crown Queen from Japan. Grant us sanctum of love & privacy. Put self-esteem among people I concerned. In the lunar new year eve, grant us securer ownership over our adorable domains, ie renewal. Jan 4, 2018 dreamt of Elon Musk, or Chinese version of Musk. he interviewed us from job applicant. then we take care of his family: his wife and his only son. an older staff also attending his family. his house in a lofty mountainous architecture, we have to clime in risk to reach it. when we returned to his house, the old staff throw Musk's boy onto a floating cushion, for no other shortcut to transport the kid bare hand in the harsh environment. even dangerous but the boy safely landed onto his house. Musk also challenged us with his famous product design.
last night a bit relentless. after dinner in canteen, I first time felt hungry & dorm gate snack vendor out of service. so I bought myself a bread and ate it deliciously after dusk jog & watching TV in my dorm. then I reviewed recent talk to my 2nd elder sister. how she hated me & faked orthodox. I told her about world food crisis report online, she at once responded if I take pills recently. last time decade ago she forced me into asylum with plot with my other siblings, ignored dedicated cares healing. she is a coward, not only she married with a beast and suffered regret all life, also she currently trying push our niece into marriage with her nephew who likely a poor gay. she found her family doomed then tried her best to help attending my kid brother's first son, who turned out much less educated, and left her second son, also a cheap soul, followed my kid brother and successfully earning a life in southern China as my kid brother, and seized himself a tall girl as trophy wife from peasants labor flood there. she consumed my old family so many credit & merit to save her cheap family she once hopelessly sold herself into when she getting old & dependent to my eldest sister who committed suicide in her 30' partially caused by the kid sister who stayed awkwardly in my eldest sister's house after her senior middle school my parents hardly supported. she totally a betrayer & cowardice. then I reviewed all my brilliance lightened so many people in my living sphere, esp my home town villagers, my siblings, our relatives. my powerful influence was a gift of my era, my national atmosphere in which we believe in growth, scientific, and moral uprising under God's shine, ie. Christian, out of people's self-esteem. I saw society mindset and its efforts in molding reality for generations, and my development as the chosen. I review my failing siblings and praying forgiveness, exactly for their painful giving: hurt in guise. I reviewing love of my 3rd elder sister since childhood put me in peace so many decades. our road towards independence past and ahead.
God dad, yesterday I almost first time felt panic of hunger. grant me anxious free upon food security. fed me with clean food & safe life. bring me sooner my Royal China and new family in which I likely bring one more child. God dad, bring me my Crown Queen, Asoh Yukiko from Japan, when it matters us. dad, grant us a peaceful and merry lunar new year. Jan 1, 2018 first dreamt in school. the subject of experiment is to distill starch from stem, for final bean curd or jelly separated from paper tissue. then found I was studying my Doctor degree course. my old family members mostly proud of me. I likely in vacation and visiting my old family's relatives at hometown, Zhudajiu village or local municipal, Wuxue. then found my purse missing. I was very concerned. then my 2 elder sisters help me search in fields for it. we exam carefully every inch of earth, hoping find it back. I was so distressed that I woke up for it and found at once I didn't miss it, but now I can't figure out how my property safe in reality while when I just exit from dream, I know dreamy concern dissolved.
This is first day of 2018. after 3 hours I will bring my son to dine out in Qiqihar downtown via groupon and aid financially by alipay credit. the holiday approached so quietly that I didn't prepare. I barely borrow ¥150 for usual weekend reuniting my son from QRRS Dorm canteen. after found my mistake, I search web carefully using the virtual credit to buy service online to make ends meet. in half day I setup alipay, Meituan on my raspberry pi and ordered 3 meals in cyberspace. yesterday we dined dico's franchise. on bus I prayed God allowing our coupon working and our holiday won't run short of cash. when we got there, there were not crowd. our groupon handled perfectly. we enjoy the meal so much. in fact, my deficit of meat healed quickly. I told my son Warren Buffett advises that youth should refrain from debt, and how Taiwan people inspire me, including dico's service. I urged him we are blessed to visit the franchise more frequent for it's just in its wane due to PRC economic hard problem, and eroded customer base among both richer Chinese and average Chinese family, for expenditure power just wears away in sinking PRC. I felt lucky to be served by the fast food chain in time when it's still graceful, and sale girls still so decent. I also told my son how I satisfied by my charity activity to offer a laid-off motorcycle worker begging for his hard life alongside street, on way my visiting my son, with ¥5: how its cost efficient & my emotional sanctified. after luncheon, we hangout in RT-Mart for my shampoo & toothpaste. my son definitely refused buying goods for him. so we only spend about 60 CNY there, among heavy carts and long queue of people at checkout. dad God, this week I will arrange installment with alipay credit. promise us smooth operation, grant us to complete paying back credit in time in coming year 2018. bring me sooner my Royal China, and my Crown Queen from Japan, Asoh Yukiko, for my lonely post mid age. grant us more offspring, esp Billing Zhu 's role in anticipated capable of billing, harmony with the Holy. God dad, in this pale morning, You ignite me with this post, let 2018 burning brighter & enlightened. Dec 25, 2017 dreamt at my hometown village my passed mother sent me among other new enrolled undergraduates into college. my 2nd elder sister also prepared my package at home. there were near dozen of youth passed the entrance exam & enrolled. my nephew, ie. my 2nd elder brother's first son, also the lucky one. I query the richer family's kid, if he travel by airline. most kid will go to their campus via train, while I already had experience by air with my son recent years which let me proud, but I likely took train for poor economy. most of the village kids carried rice in bag. my family also prepared me rice in bag for dispatching, but I managed to persuade my relatives gave up for campus canteen does offer the food. it's touching moment for my elder brother's children never complete their senior education in reality.
This is a cloudy morning. I at first felt gloomy, for last week I refrained from my son's anticipated joy of new SWAT suit, and a new pair of boots amid our cyber shopping. but my son likely didn't feel it, at least he didn't refute the spitting coward, the grandma's scorn of coat's qualifies being heavier from put on at once the new clothes' arrival, and also his new boots didn't put on right & sluggy for he didn't leave the high ankle standing, likely his mom & grandma refused guiding him. our only meal together in a week, in the downtown hotel restaurant, also disappointing for it cheatingly remove our once ordered dish with rich meat, replaced with poor quality & quantity meat, after some relentless exchange viewpoint upon our insisted tips for the gorgeous dining hall & cuisine in months. that reminded me time to shift away now that our tips left the hotel boss at a loss. but fortunately our salon buzzed in half hour ago, the shop owner settled our missing renewal in July & admit our membership extends nearly 5 months, values ¥200 after dispute arose last week. that affirms my faith in goodness, understandability of hearts. God, dad, even this month salary removed near ¥400 from usual standard, I still believe year end bonus will surprise me. now new year day of 2018 just a week away, and this wonderful christmas, dad God, reinforce us with plentiness and supportive, remove vain in our materialism seasonal heart. grant me treating my son in next weekend KFC or Mcdonald's or Dico's. shelter us from needy & wanting, instead warm us by powerful & functional of our new gears, esp from US & google. thx Dad. (adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

©2006-2016 Zhuson.com中美一家神™
benzrad zhu

In completion of 2017.

2 months 3 weeks ago
Dec 19, 2017 dreamt being friend of an English noble family, or Japanese host, ie their 2 boys and only daughter. first the boys showed me their real estate, and traditional kid practices around & in trench of their castle, which so beautiful, with yard and fence, and harvesting field with peasants nearby. I commented British buildings usually round shape while Chinese commodity residential block usually in slice alike. they also showed me their parties. then their only sister returned. the girl likely an artist, she put on me new shirt & introduced me to her party. when I prepared to performance and jumping from 2nd floor balcony to hall ground over awaiting crowd, my alarm woke me up. it's a warm dream, without pressure, esp the daughter cares me so much. this week still in wilder joys aid by alipay virtual credit. I try to prepare an installment with the credit, so I in urgency to spend near ¥1500 so as to mount to 2000 CNY installment. spending upon year end gifts really a breeze. I equipped dearest son a suite of SWAT winter uniform, including coat & pants, pricey ¥350. last night I spend another 120 on family photo book reviewing a decade golden memories, esp in woz's growth. for our domain registrar, godaddy defies the credit, I partially shift some deposit from monthly mobile data plan and spare cash for renewing our remnant 16 domains year end. but mobile fee recharging has limit set by the virtual credit, so I only allowed 400 CNY to transit. however, after these operations, I more confident that 2017 will complete without regret. past week also allows us enjoying benefit of goods, like my kid brother aided me a new Japanese style bed cushion, quite soft & warm & economic efficient, I praise it exceeding word. otherwise each morning esp chiller morning when I get up my bone hurts. our new google home mini first arrived amid our seasonal cyber gifts. it's so beautifully functional, enrich my son's spoken English & informative anytime empowered by the moral uplifting American corporate giant. we spend half hour to setup it, still my son at a loss for he was not left alone to accomplish the task. he wants now to carry independent workload on his own. that remind me how hard my situation can be in a tiny world our economy & social circumstance permits. my kid brother this time generously extended arms to me, likely last time our elder brother loaned me for domain renewal even in his hard time shamed him, and his aid grants us to upgrade our rechargeable batteries stock, which prepares us for more e-gadgets to harness even more wonderful modern living standard. God, dad, reviewing our situation, we felt so much blessed: our beneficence hinders nobody, our broad laugh shadows no one. while most renowned billionaires bow to PRC sinful tyrant, confronted by lawless deprivation and death penalty instead of standing clean, esp IT industry monopolies in rats' race. God dad, our anxious free growth might ceilied esp upon my offspring, but dearest God dad, is there anything we bestowed is not under your Holy Majesty warranty? grant us usual path, and merry heart forever, under shine & shrine. bring me sooner my Royal China, my Crown Queen from Japan, Asoh Yukiko, for broader future of our 2 nations. in our ancestors' forged link, we stand firmer on the eastern Asia now and then forever. Dec 12, 2017 these weeks brewing shopping online for quite some times, empowered by alipay virtual credit. but unfortunately godaddy doesn't support it. so I ordered woz's new boot, google home mini as planned in this dawn. later I will buy myself tea whose deficit last months helplessly. In dawn dreamt of a respected elder, likely PRC general Liu Bocheng. he first in my dream appeared as a painter, who drew golden leaves with Chinese traditional calligraphic painting. then he linked 3 painted leaves in a line to forge a brush and drew more in batch likes painting software, painter which can animate painting procedure does. then some relatives of the elder appeared, claimed the renowned man never query the elapse of his old acquaintances, for he can grasp the information in solitude & void. after woke up I felt he must be old partner of Deng Xiaoping, General Liu. these days PRC surveillance turns more rampant, and insanely. last weekend it only deterred playing back & restricted sources available via lagging internet, but last night it shameless rip audio from online episodes real time stream, and reset cache building minutes each after 2 or 3 minutes, just aiming upset my watching experience. hatred in PRC, esp dogs arranged by tyranny let me sad sometimes recently, by their desperate, cheap and total equipped to teeth. nevertheless my son rejoiced after my analyses of adversity we were beset, after he felt insulted by my scorn when he refused counting cash for me when I handover bills to pay our spa groupon in front the counter. might he thought the ammount, ¥250, too small for his engagement, but I hoped he recount before shifting to cashier, for I just roughly fetched from my purse. but he move them directly to cashier with whom I natively didn't trust. my son got hurt and in next Saturday when we went cinema & bought Taiwanese sweet juice he refused to face cashier. I first puzzled by his refusal, blamed him shy to publicity. then I saw his attitude & reason behind. so in Sunday luncheon, I explained why I didn't put him as independent but a kid. we more or less reunited & the downtown hotel restaurant lunch is delicious. after showered & returned to his mom's house, I let him watch "Rick & Morty" while I massaged his feet. his sinful mom tentatively arranged her lesbian friend's son came over for her english tuition, then my son looked diligently to play steam game with the docile kid while his mom, also the cheating kid, posed to be too busy and left my son unfinished amid game playing. its all right God, dad, just let the bitch does her utmost sins trying tearing my son apart between beast & holy, hership vs fathership.
God, dad, 2017 ends soon. grant us renew all 21 domains with bonus, my only source of surplus in bare living year long including boarding & lodging, spa, barber, monthly cinema, weekly dining out with woz, dearest son. grant us self-relying sooner my online portal of Royal China. bring me sooner my Crown Queen, Asoh Yukiko, for future ahead, for tomorrow reality in eastern Asia. protect zhone 21 domains in our title & promising in their far-sight & far reaching game changing. grant us merry Christmas & lunar new year! Nov 30, 2017 dreamt editing video as my old career in QRRS cable TV. a piece of video abnormal & frequently freezed. I reported to leader that its likely encrypted. my once departmental leader, likely framed me and side watched for my clueless while playing Mahjong with his pals in the studio. but I checked carefully to assure its not damaged but encrypted, then gradually decrypted the video. after that I posted my resignation notice for the unfriend environment in which the boss conjected with departmental leader setup me in. last night I felt sad for our new registrar, dynadot, so irresponsible to fix its problematic dns setting rule. it domain root record defies matched field, say title and value, but just arbitrary single value. while zoho mail hosting SPF and let's encrypt ssl dns verification both need title "@" matching txt value field, otherwise the only txt value wouldn't be recognized, and verification halt to proceed. such a simple malfunction defied many users' operational inc mine, and caused many complains in its user community. but after near 3 months after my transferation from godaddy, I yet saw fix at all. the boss of the company shows his leisure time with his pet dog in his pool on social media. this reminds me their less concerns with their product on which I deeply hope I can firmly cling to, after departed from godaddy which more intelligent and powerful esp dns setting, just in one shortcoming, too expensive & bargain needed in renewal. I hope our new registrar, dynadot, responsible, steady, but new found let the assumption shakeable. God dad, why domain registry so thin in scale of intellectual property, why is it so easy to be a domain registrar with such a problematic product while remains open service? it shakes my faith in American corporate moral, and traditional Chinese, esp from Taiwan, as dynadot founder is a Taiwanese, more equipped with merit of hard working and emotional smarter.
On Tuesday our ordered ssd from taobao arrived. but last mile express, contractor Yuantong express failed to deliver. I buzzed the agent according sms noticement and the man claimed he no longer in the job for days. so I visited local office of the contractor a bus stop away. the small office jammed with parcels. 2 women there helped me find my package after a quarter's scrutiny. Yuantong once had a wonderful service, speedy & well organized, but now seemingly in deconstruction. for its too earlier to fetch my son from his school, I lingered awhile in KFC local franchise, now under PRC native brand. there I found my alipay virtual credit, 花呗, resumes my limit from freeze. I paid a KFC groupon via the payment tool in a blink. that's so exciting even before I went to bed hours later, I still felt shocking satisfaction. I need credit so badly. in next days I wondered what credit is and how it can facilitate my life, I took granted that it only encourages installment. so this month I will equip my son & my own 3 items, woz's new boot, google home mini, and my tea, all in one installment and hopeful year end bonus will pay the bill eventually. God, dad, enlive quality service in American Chinese startup, esp established corporations like dynadot. bring me fruitful usage of credit. bring me my Royal China, my Crown Queen Asoh Yukiko for better management of monetary. grant me constructive credit adoption, and booming business my online portal empowers. Nov 27, 2017 retrospect last week, it elapsed so peaceful. but in fact I burning for the coming salary which turned out extraordinarily surprising. previously I thought the year end most financially demanding tasks completed with 2 loans from my old hometown relatives, ie my sisters & brother. but suddenly my vpn service informed me renewal due in couple days, exactly Nov 22. while recently my salary released usually on 19th monthly. so I took it easily. from 19th, Sunday, I looked out hopefully descending of salary till 22rd, Wednesday. everyday I prayed for solution. it was a sunny noon on 22rd Nov, 2017, I gave up canteen lunch and hope my last salvage. but it didn't. then I sought out with blessing resolution for dorm canteen's loan. they didn't refuse my appeal, offer ¥1000 at once. with it I immediately deposited in my icbc credit account. CCP surveillance blocked my trading attempts for a quarter, then went smoothly. my paypal strangely refused my payment, claiming verification failure. so I ditched it and paid via alipay, a mainstream electronic financial tool in PRC. my vpn vendor listed under its transaction log in alipay. might be that's what PRC surveillance demands in defying of my paypal which done last year perfectly. then most wanted salary release notification sms arrived: with year end bonus, I got 4420 CNY. I had previously doubted many times my budget & salary supporting gap, and thought I will save my purchase from returning less to bank credit, which already warned me insufficient pay back & possible sue over me. the main coming bill is my son's desktop os, ubuntu on a ssd usb drive, and gift sending to my nephew whose first child, a daughter just born. I had already refrained from gifting his wedding ceremony nearly year ago. so this time my congratulation really due to manifest. they both costs ¥300. with the powerful salary, I maintained last month pay back standard, 500 CNY each for ccb & psbc credit debt, while clear all my due liability among bills active in life, except debt to canteen loan adds more hundreds. but in the afternoon, when I handed over ¥1700 including 200 to pay a woman staff there for my laundry, the canteen operative woman and her husband accepted without complains. God, dad, what a wonderful moment after so many neck breaking anticipation! in the night I informed my son online the clearance of bills and claimed only left unfinished is donation annually to poor kids in China mountainous area, and bbn bible radio. but now, I want more: equipping my son woz a pair of new winter shoes to replace his wrecked one, and my tea deficit for months. my son's programming lesson arranged by his mom stepping in, my preparing his desktop environment is portable os on ssd udisk hopefully running on hardware of his old dell notebook and intel nuc in his lounge. dad God, let my son adopt my suggestion, first step to master typing via training tools from chrome store on his chromebook. grant me helpful and his prompt execution for remaining aid from powerful google & online courseware. I have almost no more debt in his education, nor in my online business, our portal for Royal China and democracy of China progressive. God dad, grant me another surge of spacious budget for renew our domains year end, nearly 15 domains left. grant us happier lunar new year, and Christmas 2017. thx for this clueless post in firm hint of publish in rest of recent elation.

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benzrad zhu
2 hours 8 minutes ago
a determined mind. 盲言之芒岩 眸子的星芒浮于薄霭 厌倦的兽眼阴雨里低低沉吼 under God's shine after i broke heart for a girl collegian, devoted to reclaim my vested kingdom of China from my ancestor with glory. 你在清贫中呆的太久了 你分不清月色的石子和清癯的星
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